LABOR.okay...ill admit it. Im terrified of it. Ive always been terrified of it. Labor for a woman with marfan syndrome is a very scary concept and now that im reaching the point of actually going through all of this, i am getting pretty freaked out. Luckily, my condition is very mild. I have very little dialtion in the aorta of my heart and my bones are pretty strong. This is why my dr keeps asking me about the possibilities of a vaginal delivery. Weve been having this discussion since my 8 week apt and it still hasnt reached the final decision point yet.

Here are the issues for a vaginal delivery:

*the aorta of my heart is weak and at risk of tearing: pushing is not a good option because of the stress it would put on my aorta..however,pushing is usually essential in the birthing process.

* an epidural is unlikely due to the fact that i have metal rods fused to my spine that run down the length of my back. Without an epidural it is pretty impossible to stop pushing. If i was able to have an epidural, i would be allowed to push once and then be assisted from there. Still not quite clear on the assist part and not sure if im totally comfortable with it if it involves a vacum type object.

* My dr did say that there is an injection they can give me straight into my pelvis to numb everything down there once labor has progressed enough and they need to prevent me from pushing. Even with this, i wonder how long i would have to be in labor before they would give me the injection.

-now there is the c section option which makes the most sense to me. The only issue with this option is the unlikelyhood of an epidural or spinal block. This would leave me with a csection under general anesthesia which would mean i would be asleep and miss everything. heres the thing...IM FINE WITH IT!!! really.. i AM!!! Mike and i have known this would most likely be the best option even before we got pregnant. We knew that this would be the safest option and we were willing to just go with it.Im not sure if everyone knows this or not, but im getting a little tired of the idea that this is not in my chart yet.

when i was in the hospital with bulging membranes at 24 weeks an anesthesiologist came in to talk with me. He felt around on my back and said he would get back with us about whether or not he thought an epi would be safe. He never did and its STILL not in my chart!

I know my dr has my best interest in mind and i get the feeling that he wants to try to give me a vaginal delivery. I just feel very apprehensive about it. I know there are alot of unknowns with labor..noone knows exactly how its going to work. I just feel that with my situation, i need things to be finalized. I need something in writing just in case my dr isnt there and i have some resident not knowing whats going on. Last time i was in labor and delivery a resident actually said " okay well i know you have marfans so this will have to be an assisted labor with vacum correct?" I quickly corrected her and said i never agreed to that and that i had already signed a consent for a csection. aaaaaaaaahhhh, seriously? what the heck?

All in all, i hope to have things more planned out in the next few weeks. My dr said he would talk to the anesthesiologist and have all of that finalized. He said he would look into our options.

im just scared and venting...but i know everything will work out the way it is supposed to.