time

Pregnancy is something I never thought i would experience. When I was younger and diagnosed with marfan syndrome I was told that it might not be a possibilty. The drs had warned me that my heart might not be strong enough to take it. Mike and I were even considering not having kids. We thought about adopting, thought about living a life with just the two of us. After 5 years of marriage, genetic/high risk counseling and some decision making, Mike and i decided it was safe to go for it. My drs had given me the go ahead and all was great.

Little did i know that i would go from someone who might have chosen to never experience pregnancy to doing everything i possibly can to stay pregnant for the baby growing inside of me. My heart is still strong, but my cervix is not. I have a shortening cervix at 24 weeks and was admitted into the hospital thursday. Ive been on bedrest at home for 3 weeks and my cervix was staying stable at 2.4 cm. This week it measured anywhere from 1.9 cm to .8cm!!!Yeah seriously.8cm..ugh?I have another ultrasound tommorow and hopefully my measurement will be much better. Its the drs decision whethere or not i will have to stay in the hospital or go home on strict bedrest.

Ive always been such a believer in the perfect timing of everything in my life. I have to think that there is a reason for this timing and time is so important in this situation. There is a risk of perterm labor with a cervix this short and baby evie needs more time to grow. I never thought i would count the days and weeks so closely as i do now. Every single day she stays inside of me gives her more strength for life on the outside. Im trying to cherrish the time i have with her in my belly and think about how this is a very special time in my life and not just something to get through. I think this will be much easier when i know she is at a point of growth that is safe. If she was born now, she would have a pretty good chance of survival but obviously its better for her to stay longer.

The bedrest experience so far has been okay. The hospital makes me feel safe and gives me hope. Being at home is wonderful but im afraid of something bad happening and not knowing about it until its too late. At least here I am monitored and I know if something goes wrong, it will be taken care of quickly. Mike doesnt worry about me as much when im here. Ive had ALOT of visitors. The nurses joke that im pretty popular on this floor cuz i always have people here to see me. I have a huge support system which i am so thankful for! I hope they all know how much it means to me!

Mikey just got here so we're going to eat dinner. Hoping all goes well in the morning!! :)