HELLO!!!!! its the last day of 2010!! Im so ready to start the new year. I have decided to start my blog back up again. It will come in handy for our friends and family that live far away to keep up on whats going on with the little evie girl.
im a mommy!
and im very very happy about it! :)
I cant even begin to describe the last 3 months. They have gone so fast and have been filled with so many wonderful moments. Little Evelyn is awesome! I know every mom says this, but i really do have the coolest baby on the planet. I feel so honored that everything worked out so well. I had some very scary moments in my pregnancy, but every time i look at her little face I totally seem to forget all the awful stuff i went through.
So, evie will be 4 months old next week! She is 13 pounds! She is smiling so much and her little personality is starting to show! Shes a goofy baby, which doesnt really suprise me. Now when we make eye contact,or she sees me walk in the room, she will smile so big! I love going into the nursery in the mornings and seeing her light up when she sees me for the first time of the day. Its probably my favorite thing! She is starting to do that lovely jumping thing..everytime we hold her she wants to stand up on our legs and jump. We got her a jumperoo for christmas and shes slowly getting the hang of it. i only keep her in a few minutes at a time right now cuz shes still so little. She really is growing fast!
I know i havent been here to blog in so long, that i went stragight from being on bedrest to having this 4 month old baby. I will recap a bit by talking about the birth a bit! :)
Evelyn's birth was wonderful! She totally knew that was the day she was coming out!we arrived at the hospital that morning, checked in and I immediately started having contractions! It was absolutely insanely crazy! She was coming out that day...csection or not! I was very nervous...i dont think ive ever been so nervous. They couldnt give me any drugs to calm my nerves so i just had to wait it out. They eventually got my ivs in ( after many attempts) and i prayed with my family. They wheeled me back to the operating room/delivery room where i layed on this tiny table...i felt so huge on the little table! They attempted to put the catheter in before they put me to sleep, but that didnt work so well.I was beyond frustrated and very very nervous. I was at my breaking point and my dr knew it. I remember saying with a very stern voice " please...i just need to go to sleep and have this baby...now!" my dr immediately said, "okay, lets do this" and i was out! The next thing i remember is waking up in recovery to the sound of my nurse telling me i had a beautiful baby girl. Im so glad those were the first words i heard! My dr said i might not remember much, and i guess i was out for about an hour after she was born, but once i woke up and was able to see her...i remember everything!
Her eyes were HUGE! She was so alert, just looking around at everything and everyone. She made intense eye contact and still does. I was able to hold her and look at her with mike and our family. I have an awesome video of mike seeing her for the first time..sigh,it melts my heart. I thought that i might miss out on her birth, but having a general c section birth was exactly what i needed. I dont feel like i missed anything important. All i missed was seeing her come out of my who-ha, which obviously i did just fine without. There were no issues with bonding or a lack of love at first sight. Even though she was out of my body for an hour before i got to see her, once we saw eachother we just knew.
So now we are all settling in to our lives as a family of 3. It only took her a month before she was sleeping 8 hours at night! She eats well and cries when shes really upset. Overall, shes a really happy healthy baby! Im so so thankful!
Our christmas was great and we are spending new years together. She is currently napping in her pack n play while mommy sips coffee and spends some time on the computer.
i will keep this updated more regularly now. im sure she will continue to do hundreds of cute things that i, being a proud mommy will HAVE to document ;)
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
love,
the brewers!
Monday, November 15, 2010
Sunday, September 5, 2010
so here i sit, with a day and a half left to wait. I keep thinking theres more i need to be doing to prepare. Really, all i have left to do is wait! waiting and anticipation arent my strong points.
Ive had a really great weekend. Mike and i were determined to have some fun before our crazy week. Friday we went to fountain square to meet up with a friend from out of town. His band is on tour and stopped in indy to play the vollrath. They also had an accoustic set at square rootz deli so we went there to hang out with him for a bit. Fountain square was beautiful and hopping that night since it was a first friday event. Made me realize more and more that i do love indy and im anxious to get out and about to the different cultural neighborhoods soon with our babe!
I didnt think a rock show would be a good idea for my pregnant self, so we went to relax a bit and met up with some friends at yogulatte on mass ave. This place is fantastic and i can imagine its going to become an addiction. Mass ave holds alot of comforts for me!yats, the flying cupcake, nurture, agio, bazbeaux, global gifts to name a few...luckily we live quite close.
Last night we had a group event at caprettis with lots of good food, conversation and hang out time. It was the last time we would hang out with everyone without having a baby. Mike and i have talked alot about the new concept of being parents AND having friends. I dont think anyone truly knows how things will change until you are a parent but weve discussed it alot with the group and i feel good knowing that people are going to be very open to us bringing the baby around, and adapting to this new concept. I dont want to be the annoying parent who automatically thinks everyone wants to be around our baby all the time, so weve told people to let us know. We just want to be open about it. I do want to try to be flexible and practical. If there is a group even at someone's house, i want to feel comfortable to pack up her diaper bag and the pack and play and be able to spend some time with our friends like usual. These are things we all talked about last night. I love how our friends are treating this like shes going to be apart of their lives too and not just "mike and andrea have a baby now, so we wont be seeing them much anymore". Everyone is embracing the experience together. Im very thankful for this! I want to give my baby the most love and attention she deserves while still being social- i think we will find the perfect balance with our friends!
have i mentioned how excited i am?! have i also mentioned how terrified i am?! Both of these emotions are blending well. We had our last ob apt on friday and it pretty much consisted of all of us just sitting around talking and laughing. I love our dr and the sweet nurse, anne thats been with us the whole time. (She calls Mike John lennon and always asks about his music.)It made me feel alot better and more at ease to see them just talk about the delivery like it was an every day thing ( which to them it is i suppose) You just have to put your trust in them!
My feet are HUGE! the swelling has taken over my body and my feet are so big that it hurts to walk now. Im sure the last couple days of being out of the house didnt help much, but im offically stuck in my recliner guzzling water bottles until tommorow night when i wont be allowed to eat or drink anything. Im also having pretty bad contractions which arent regular, but still suck!!!aaaaaah 1 more day!
:)
Ive had a really great weekend. Mike and i were determined to have some fun before our crazy week. Friday we went to fountain square to meet up with a friend from out of town. His band is on tour and stopped in indy to play the vollrath. They also had an accoustic set at square rootz deli so we went there to hang out with him for a bit. Fountain square was beautiful and hopping that night since it was a first friday event. Made me realize more and more that i do love indy and im anxious to get out and about to the different cultural neighborhoods soon with our babe!
I didnt think a rock show would be a good idea for my pregnant self, so we went to relax a bit and met up with some friends at yogulatte on mass ave. This place is fantastic and i can imagine its going to become an addiction. Mass ave holds alot of comforts for me!yats, the flying cupcake, nurture, agio, bazbeaux, global gifts to name a few...luckily we live quite close.
Last night we had a group event at caprettis with lots of good food, conversation and hang out time. It was the last time we would hang out with everyone without having a baby. Mike and i have talked alot about the new concept of being parents AND having friends. I dont think anyone truly knows how things will change until you are a parent but weve discussed it alot with the group and i feel good knowing that people are going to be very open to us bringing the baby around, and adapting to this new concept. I dont want to be the annoying parent who automatically thinks everyone wants to be around our baby all the time, so weve told people to let us know. We just want to be open about it. I do want to try to be flexible and practical. If there is a group even at someone's house, i want to feel comfortable to pack up her diaper bag and the pack and play and be able to spend some time with our friends like usual. These are things we all talked about last night. I love how our friends are treating this like shes going to be apart of their lives too and not just "mike and andrea have a baby now, so we wont be seeing them much anymore". Everyone is embracing the experience together. Im very thankful for this! I want to give my baby the most love and attention she deserves while still being social- i think we will find the perfect balance with our friends!
have i mentioned how excited i am?! have i also mentioned how terrified i am?! Both of these emotions are blending well. We had our last ob apt on friday and it pretty much consisted of all of us just sitting around talking and laughing. I love our dr and the sweet nurse, anne thats been with us the whole time. (She calls Mike John lennon and always asks about his music.)It made me feel alot better and more at ease to see them just talk about the delivery like it was an every day thing ( which to them it is i suppose) You just have to put your trust in them!
My feet are HUGE! the swelling has taken over my body and my feet are so big that it hurts to walk now. Im sure the last couple days of being out of the house didnt help much, but im offically stuck in my recliner guzzling water bottles until tommorow night when i wont be allowed to eat or drink anything. Im also having pretty bad contractions which arent regular, but still suck!!!aaaaaah 1 more day!
:)
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
1 week!!!!!!
im so glad i started this blog! everytime i start to feel like i just cant take it anymore, i come here and read previous posts and remember how far ive come! Today starts the countdown to baby evelyns birth! Next tuesday is the day!
Right now im just starting to get very nervous about the day in general. My excitement does overshadow these feelings, but they are still there! Even though I wont have to go through labor, I will still be in surgery and that always makes me a bit uneasy to think of. Overall, Im very thankful that after all ive been through and with the way my body feels right now...that im able to just go to sleep and wake up with a baby. Thats the way im choosing to look at it. nice and simple.
Im trying to wrap my head around the whole process of seeing her for the first time. I feel like we have bonded to a very intense degree through this trial of bedrest. There were times when i was in the hospital that i can remember trying to prepare myself for seeing her in an incubator, a tiny 2 pound baby. At our ultrasound last week she weighed 7 pounds! This is all a bit overwhelming to me. So much has changed in the last couple months and my gratitude and love is so huge, i might just explode when i see her. I cry everytime i think about it! i really dont know if ill be able to hold it together :)Im excited to say the least.
Things around the house have been going well. The nursery is done,there are cabinets in the kitchen devoted to bottles,the car seat is installed in car, and the hospital bags are packed. I think we are ready. I guess we better be, huh? Ive always said that i want to be flexible parents. I know there will be things that we have forgotten and things that we will have to learn, but i feel like we will be prepared for being new at all of this. I dont want to get upset about little things, but just learn and grow with the experience. Im sure ill have to call my moms often to ask questions and im sure ill have to send mike out to the store at 2am cuz i need something. Ive had some really great examples of mothers who i admire. Lots of people have advice and they share the ways they think we should do things, but i think every baby and every family is different. Im ready to go with the flow even though im a bit nervous.
Ive been feeling totally miserable which is to be expected i suppose. The high blood pressure wipes me out so im not able to do much. My body is very ready to be done with pregnancy. I think the csection recovery wont seem so bad after all of this. i could be wrong, but i just feel awful. I did end up going back to the hospital and requesting an echo on my heart to be done. i was getting nervous about how my heart was feeling due to the high bp. Good news...nothing has changed! My heart is still in great shape which is a huge comfort to me. I feel so much better about going into the birth and postpartum period knowing this!
Ive been having weekly apointments with my dr. Our ultrasound was awesome. She is sooo big so it was hard to see much, but what we did see was pretty awesome. She has her head burried pretty far into my pelvis and shes been that way since week 28. Its so uncomfortable and she hated the ultrasound, so she was pushing on my cervix like crazy. Guess my cervix is stronger than we thought. We got to see her open her mouth, stick out her tounge and chew on her hand.The tech said she has alot of hair :) ive been picturing her with some dark hair. Ive been stocking up on some little hair accessories. Having a girl is going to be so much fun!
I cant say it enough..but im so thankful for mike! I dont wanna sound too cliche or mushy but he really has been so awesome with this whole process. He has done so much cleaning, laundry and cooking for me. He NEVER complains...i mean NEVER. Ive tried to be really good about not nagging or asking him to do too much. Im just really thankful for him. Even when i go back to work, hes going to be sharing in alot of the parenting and i feel so great knowing that i can fully trust him with all of it! We were at a cute little cupcake shop one day and he was talking about how fun it will be to take little daddy daughter day trips to places like that. Melted my heart. Evie is going to be so spoiled. I couldnt have asked for a better husband and father!
1 week to go before delivery! LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!! :)
ps...im obsessed with this store! its on mass ave downtown and its just amazing!
Right now im just starting to get very nervous about the day in general. My excitement does overshadow these feelings, but they are still there! Even though I wont have to go through labor, I will still be in surgery and that always makes me a bit uneasy to think of. Overall, Im very thankful that after all ive been through and with the way my body feels right now...that im able to just go to sleep and wake up with a baby. Thats the way im choosing to look at it. nice and simple.
Im trying to wrap my head around the whole process of seeing her for the first time. I feel like we have bonded to a very intense degree through this trial of bedrest. There were times when i was in the hospital that i can remember trying to prepare myself for seeing her in an incubator, a tiny 2 pound baby. At our ultrasound last week she weighed 7 pounds! This is all a bit overwhelming to me. So much has changed in the last couple months and my gratitude and love is so huge, i might just explode when i see her. I cry everytime i think about it! i really dont know if ill be able to hold it together :)Im excited to say the least.
Things around the house have been going well. The nursery is done,there are cabinets in the kitchen devoted to bottles,the car seat is installed in car, and the hospital bags are packed. I think we are ready. I guess we better be, huh? Ive always said that i want to be flexible parents. I know there will be things that we have forgotten and things that we will have to learn, but i feel like we will be prepared for being new at all of this. I dont want to get upset about little things, but just learn and grow with the experience. Im sure ill have to call my moms often to ask questions and im sure ill have to send mike out to the store at 2am cuz i need something. Ive had some really great examples of mothers who i admire. Lots of people have advice and they share the ways they think we should do things, but i think every baby and every family is different. Im ready to go with the flow even though im a bit nervous.
Ive been feeling totally miserable which is to be expected i suppose. The high blood pressure wipes me out so im not able to do much. My body is very ready to be done with pregnancy. I think the csection recovery wont seem so bad after all of this. i could be wrong, but i just feel awful. I did end up going back to the hospital and requesting an echo on my heart to be done. i was getting nervous about how my heart was feeling due to the high bp. Good news...nothing has changed! My heart is still in great shape which is a huge comfort to me. I feel so much better about going into the birth and postpartum period knowing this!
Ive been having weekly apointments with my dr. Our ultrasound was awesome. She is sooo big so it was hard to see much, but what we did see was pretty awesome. She has her head burried pretty far into my pelvis and shes been that way since week 28. Its so uncomfortable and she hated the ultrasound, so she was pushing on my cervix like crazy. Guess my cervix is stronger than we thought. We got to see her open her mouth, stick out her tounge and chew on her hand.The tech said she has alot of hair :) ive been picturing her with some dark hair. Ive been stocking up on some little hair accessories. Having a girl is going to be so much fun!
I cant say it enough..but im so thankful for mike! I dont wanna sound too cliche or mushy but he really has been so awesome with this whole process. He has done so much cleaning, laundry and cooking for me. He NEVER complains...i mean NEVER. Ive tried to be really good about not nagging or asking him to do too much. Im just really thankful for him. Even when i go back to work, hes going to be sharing in alot of the parenting and i feel so great knowing that i can fully trust him with all of it! We were at a cute little cupcake shop one day and he was talking about how fun it will be to take little daddy daughter day trips to places like that. Melted my heart. Evie is going to be so spoiled. I couldnt have asked for a better husband and father!
1 week to go before delivery! LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!! :)
ps...im obsessed with this store! its on mass ave downtown and its just amazing!
Friday, August 20, 2010
Things had been going quite smoothly for us lately. I was taken off of my bedrest restrictions at 34 weeks, we got the nursery done, and i was even able to go out and about a bit more. I started feeling more and more miserable every day however and i started to get a bit frustrated. This time in pregnancy is rough for most normal women, and my marfan body was not helping me out. Even though i felt awful,I totally felt like i was in the clear and looking forward to a full term birth.
Once again i was reminded that this pregnancy was never planned to be easy. Wednesday night i started feeling weird. I was dizzy, had a headache and my feet were swollen. Mike took my blood pressure over the course of 4 hours and it was quite high and not going down. I called labor and delivery and they said it would be smart to go in that night but reasonable to wait and go into my drs office the next morning. I went into the office, they took my bp and everyone started freaking out...it was near 150/95 which is a sign of preeclampsia. I was admitted to triage for observation cuz at that time there was no protein in my urine. Evie's heartrate was really high..in the 170's-180. I was nervous about that but then all of a sudden while laying there, my bp went down to normal and her heartrate was back down to 130-140. I sat in triage for about 5 hours. My cell phone had no signal and there wasnt a working phone in my room. My dr wanted me to have an Anes consult for my csectiion, so someone came to talk to me..said they would check on things and be back to see me...she never came back. I just felt really annoyed from the start. Annoyed that i was going through something unknown again. I thought we had everything figured out. I was kinda freaking out....pretty close to losing it.
One of my tests came back a little abnormal. The protein unrine test cut off for normal is 2..and mine was 2.2. So this was enough for me to be admitted and put on a 24 hour unrine collection cycle. I stayed overnight and peed in a bucket so they could check my protein levels. the test was supposed to end at 4:30 thursday and sent off to the lab. They wanted me to stay one more night so they could tell me the results and be released or if needed they would deliver the baby. This morning one of the residents came in to let me know that someone in the lab LOST MY URINE JUG!!! this jug was HUGE and full of urine..how do you loose sometihng like that?! UGH...so i had to wait to talk to my drs about either staying overnight again or going home with a new jug to pee in.
I might add that i have not had any problems with IU hospital thus far. Everyone has been excellent and i have had the best care i could have hoped for! When my drs came in to talk with me I was at a breaking point. I was uncomfortable,i was realizing that i had been going through this emotional rollercoaster for the last 5 months and i was DONE! At 34 weeks, i was wondering how much more my body could handle. My body literally tells me every day that it is almost at its final stretch. I told them exactly how i was feeling. I was firm without being a bitch about it. I let them know that i need to have a plan...an answer from anesthesia, and a date for my csection. I told them that i have been so patient and strong through this whole thing, and now i just need to see my baby...soon!
They totally understood, told me that i was one of the best patients they have had and they left, talked with Dr s, and within 2 hours Dr s was in my room with all the answers that i needed. They located my urine and ran the test which came back relatively normal. I have the beginning stages of preeclampsia(nothing serious at this point). Im going to have biweekly nonstress tests to check the baby and my bp for the next 2 weeks before i deliver. We will not have an epidural so it will be a csection under general anes on....wait for it.......wait for it......TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 7TH AT 9AM!!!!!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
it feels so amazingly great to have a date!!! Im so anxious, so grateful and so amazed by this whole pregnancy. Everything has been leading up to this wonderful date. Lets hope the next couple weeks go by quickly! I have another ultrasound next week to find out her weight and growth.
so now im at home taking it easy again for the next couple weeks. I am mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. Everything will be worth it on september 7th!
What an adventure! sigh......
Once again i was reminded that this pregnancy was never planned to be easy. Wednesday night i started feeling weird. I was dizzy, had a headache and my feet were swollen. Mike took my blood pressure over the course of 4 hours and it was quite high and not going down. I called labor and delivery and they said it would be smart to go in that night but reasonable to wait and go into my drs office the next morning. I went into the office, they took my bp and everyone started freaking out...it was near 150/95 which is a sign of preeclampsia. I was admitted to triage for observation cuz at that time there was no protein in my urine. Evie's heartrate was really high..in the 170's-180. I was nervous about that but then all of a sudden while laying there, my bp went down to normal and her heartrate was back down to 130-140. I sat in triage for about 5 hours. My cell phone had no signal and there wasnt a working phone in my room. My dr wanted me to have an Anes consult for my csectiion, so someone came to talk to me..said they would check on things and be back to see me...she never came back. I just felt really annoyed from the start. Annoyed that i was going through something unknown again. I thought we had everything figured out. I was kinda freaking out....pretty close to losing it.
One of my tests came back a little abnormal. The protein unrine test cut off for normal is 2..and mine was 2.2. So this was enough for me to be admitted and put on a 24 hour unrine collection cycle. I stayed overnight and peed in a bucket so they could check my protein levels. the test was supposed to end at 4:30 thursday and sent off to the lab. They wanted me to stay one more night so they could tell me the results and be released or if needed they would deliver the baby. This morning one of the residents came in to let me know that someone in the lab LOST MY URINE JUG!!! this jug was HUGE and full of urine..how do you loose sometihng like that?! UGH...so i had to wait to talk to my drs about either staying overnight again or going home with a new jug to pee in.
I might add that i have not had any problems with IU hospital thus far. Everyone has been excellent and i have had the best care i could have hoped for! When my drs came in to talk with me I was at a breaking point. I was uncomfortable,i was realizing that i had been going through this emotional rollercoaster for the last 5 months and i was DONE! At 34 weeks, i was wondering how much more my body could handle. My body literally tells me every day that it is almost at its final stretch. I told them exactly how i was feeling. I was firm without being a bitch about it. I let them know that i need to have a plan...an answer from anesthesia, and a date for my csection. I told them that i have been so patient and strong through this whole thing, and now i just need to see my baby...soon!
They totally understood, told me that i was one of the best patients they have had and they left, talked with Dr s, and within 2 hours Dr s was in my room with all the answers that i needed. They located my urine and ran the test which came back relatively normal. I have the beginning stages of preeclampsia(nothing serious at this point). Im going to have biweekly nonstress tests to check the baby and my bp for the next 2 weeks before i deliver. We will not have an epidural so it will be a csection under general anes on....wait for it.......wait for it......TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 7TH AT 9AM!!!!!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
it feels so amazingly great to have a date!!! Im so anxious, so grateful and so amazed by this whole pregnancy. Everything has been leading up to this wonderful date. Lets hope the next couple weeks go by quickly! I have another ultrasound next week to find out her weight and growth.
so now im at home taking it easy again for the next couple weeks. I am mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. Everything will be worth it on september 7th!
What an adventure! sigh......
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
This has been such a fun week! Mike always takes this week off way in advance because our anniversary is on the 7th. This year,for obvious reasons it turns out that we arent really able to go on a trip. It worked out nicely for mike to have a week off to work on all of my nesting projects.By saying "my nesting projects" you might be lead to beleive that im making him do things...oh dont let him fool you..he is LOVING it! He spent the first 2 days painting the nursery, putting all the furniture together and giving me updates from upstairs about he and our cat sat in blue paint.
BLUE!!! we made a last minute change and decided not to paint the nursery green and switched to a tiffany/robin egg blue. its lovely and works perfect with the birdie theme! The bedding works perfect, the crib is perfect..everything just worked out so well! Ill have pics up soon when its done. I have some decorating projects im going to be working on in the last few weeks that im really excited about.
im wanting to make these adorable paper bird cages and i have the perfect spot for them!
Mike pretty much insisted on getting his own diaper bag, which makes total sense since he will be mr mom while im at work a couple days out of the week..so he got the diaper dude bag he had been wanting..pretty sweet!!!
These last few weeks of my bedrest prison are becoming a little more bearable. I feel a little better about doing small things. I actually did walk up the stairs to see the nursery and help organize stuff..i wasnt going to miss out on everything! :)
My body usually lets me know when i need to sit or lay down and relax and i listen to it. I never overdo it really...but really any movement, like walking up a couple steps makes me feel like im pushing myself. I cant wait to have some of my energy back!
Ive heard about soon to be parents who just like to sit in the nursery and go in and organize the same stuff over and over. I have a feeling that will be us. Last night we sat in there for a while just talking about everything. we played around with the monitors and sniffed baby shampoo. Its getting pretty real..and pretty freaking close.
we are...happy!
BLUE!!! we made a last minute change and decided not to paint the nursery green and switched to a tiffany/robin egg blue. its lovely and works perfect with the birdie theme! The bedding works perfect, the crib is perfect..everything just worked out so well! Ill have pics up soon when its done. I have some decorating projects im going to be working on in the last few weeks that im really excited about.
im wanting to make these adorable paper bird cages and i have the perfect spot for them!
pretty cute huh?!
im planning to have a craft party and have my creative friends help me! fun!!
our diaper bags came in the mail yesterday! We ended up getting our choice diaper bags for FREE!! we used our debit card reward points that we had been saving up for the last 6 months. Luckily both of them were on the website! pretty sweet deal! Both diaper bags were like 60 bucks retail! awwwesome deal...cuz i wouldnt have paid that money for it! i ended up going with this jjcole bag...i cant wait to use it!
Mike pretty much insisted on getting his own diaper bag, which makes total sense since he will be mr mom while im at work a couple days out of the week..so he got the diaper dude bag he had been wanting..pretty sweet!!!
These last few weeks of my bedrest prison are becoming a little more bearable. I feel a little better about doing small things. I actually did walk up the stairs to see the nursery and help organize stuff..i wasnt going to miss out on everything! :)
My body usually lets me know when i need to sit or lay down and relax and i listen to it. I never overdo it really...but really any movement, like walking up a couple steps makes me feel like im pushing myself. I cant wait to have some of my energy back!
Ive heard about soon to be parents who just like to sit in the nursery and go in and organize the same stuff over and over. I have a feeling that will be us. Last night we sat in there for a while just talking about everything. we played around with the monitors and sniffed baby shampoo. Its getting pretty real..and pretty freaking close.
we are...happy!
Monday, August 2, 2010
LABOR.okay...ill admit it. Im terrified of it. Ive always been terrified of it. Labor for a woman with marfan syndrome is a very scary concept and now that im reaching the point of actually going through all of this, i am getting pretty freaked out. Luckily, my condition is very mild. I have very little dialtion in the aorta of my heart and my bones are pretty strong. This is why my dr keeps asking me about the possibilities of a vaginal delivery. Weve been having this discussion since my 8 week apt and it still hasnt reached the final decision point yet.
Here are the issues for a vaginal delivery:
*the aorta of my heart is weak and at risk of tearing: pushing is not a good option because of the stress it would put on my aorta..however,pushing is usually essential in the birthing process.
* an epidural is unlikely due to the fact that i have metal rods fused to my spine that run down the length of my back. Without an epidural it is pretty impossible to stop pushing. If i was able to have an epidural, i would be allowed to push once and then be assisted from there. Still not quite clear on the assist part and not sure if im totally comfortable with it if it involves a vacum type object.
* My dr did say that there is an injection they can give me straight into my pelvis to numb everything down there once labor has progressed enough and they need to prevent me from pushing. Even with this, i wonder how long i would have to be in labor before they would give me the injection.
-now there is the c section option which makes the most sense to me. The only issue with this option is the unlikelyhood of an epidural or spinal block. This would leave me with a csection under general anesthesia which would mean i would be asleep and miss everything. heres the thing...IM FINE WITH IT!!! really.. i AM!!! Mike and i have known this would most likely be the best option even before we got pregnant. We knew that this would be the safest option and we were willing to just go with it.Im not sure if everyone knows this or not, but im getting a little tired of the idea that this is not in my chart yet.
when i was in the hospital with bulging membranes at 24 weeks an anesthesiologist came in to talk with me. He felt around on my back and said he would get back with us about whether or not he thought an epi would be safe. He never did and its STILL not in my chart!
I know my dr has my best interest in mind and i get the feeling that he wants to try to give me a vaginal delivery. I just feel very apprehensive about it. I know there are alot of unknowns with labor..noone knows exactly how its going to work. I just feel that with my situation, i need things to be finalized. I need something in writing just in case my dr isnt there and i have some resident not knowing whats going on. Last time i was in labor and delivery a resident actually said " okay well i know you have marfans so this will have to be an assisted labor with vacum correct?" I quickly corrected her and said i never agreed to that and that i had already signed a consent for a csection. aaaaaaaaahhhh, seriously? what the heck?
All in all, i hope to have things more planned out in the next few weeks. My dr said he would talk to the anesthesiologist and have all of that finalized. He said he would look into our options.
im just scared and venting...but i know everything will work out the way it is supposed to.
Here are the issues for a vaginal delivery:
*the aorta of my heart is weak and at risk of tearing: pushing is not a good option because of the stress it would put on my aorta..however,pushing is usually essential in the birthing process.
* an epidural is unlikely due to the fact that i have metal rods fused to my spine that run down the length of my back. Without an epidural it is pretty impossible to stop pushing. If i was able to have an epidural, i would be allowed to push once and then be assisted from there. Still not quite clear on the assist part and not sure if im totally comfortable with it if it involves a vacum type object.
* My dr did say that there is an injection they can give me straight into my pelvis to numb everything down there once labor has progressed enough and they need to prevent me from pushing. Even with this, i wonder how long i would have to be in labor before they would give me the injection.
-now there is the c section option which makes the most sense to me. The only issue with this option is the unlikelyhood of an epidural or spinal block. This would leave me with a csection under general anesthesia which would mean i would be asleep and miss everything. heres the thing...IM FINE WITH IT!!! really.. i AM!!! Mike and i have known this would most likely be the best option even before we got pregnant. We knew that this would be the safest option and we were willing to just go with it.Im not sure if everyone knows this or not, but im getting a little tired of the idea that this is not in my chart yet.
when i was in the hospital with bulging membranes at 24 weeks an anesthesiologist came in to talk with me. He felt around on my back and said he would get back with us about whether or not he thought an epi would be safe. He never did and its STILL not in my chart!
I know my dr has my best interest in mind and i get the feeling that he wants to try to give me a vaginal delivery. I just feel very apprehensive about it. I know there are alot of unknowns with labor..noone knows exactly how its going to work. I just feel that with my situation, i need things to be finalized. I need something in writing just in case my dr isnt there and i have some resident not knowing whats going on. Last time i was in labor and delivery a resident actually said " okay well i know you have marfans so this will have to be an assisted labor with vacum correct?" I quickly corrected her and said i never agreed to that and that i had already signed a consent for a csection. aaaaaaaaahhhh, seriously? what the heck?
All in all, i hope to have things more planned out in the next few weeks. My dr said he would talk to the anesthesiologist and have all of that finalized. He said he would look into our options.
im just scared and venting...but i know everything will work out the way it is supposed to.
Friday, July 30, 2010
I have been so horrible about blogging lately. The good thing...its because ive actually been somewhat busy! We had our baby shower last week which was everything i would have hoped for. My friends throw great parties and this was no exception. I'm so thankful to have experienced this with my friends and family. I know i have said it before, but a baby shower and this whole pregnancy experience is something i thought i would never have.
Our house is quickly filling up with baby items. Its still crazy to hold a baby onesie or see diapers sitting around my house. Its crazy, a bit scary and very exciting.
We are getting really close! At my 32 week apt today, my dr and i discussed how things are looking at this point. Everything at the moment points toward a successful, close to full term birth! I have an apt at 34 weeks and he said at that point i will be free to come off most of my strict bedrest restrictions. He also said that he thinks we will most likely induce at 36-37 weeks due to my heart condition. We want to make sure everyone is very prepared for everything. One of the things that ive been the most scared of throughout this whole thing, is being caught off guard and going into labor very quickly. Hopefully that doesnt happen within the next couple weeks...i would love for it to be a bit more planned. Im getting very very nervous, can you tell? :) Another thing..my dr told me he was going on vacation and will be gone over the next 2 weeks. I dont wanna go into labor without him being here. Please baby evie..lets hold out until 36 weeks!!!
Overall, im feeling very uncomfortable and i have officially reached that point every pregnant women reaches. When i am in a public place everyone either whispers and stares at me, or asks me if im about to pop. I am pretty huge...and im feeling it! Its all worth it...and it amazes me what the female body can go through..its rough!
Feeling more and more excited every day! :)
Our house is quickly filling up with baby items. Its still crazy to hold a baby onesie or see diapers sitting around my house. Its crazy, a bit scary and very exciting.
We are getting really close! At my 32 week apt today, my dr and i discussed how things are looking at this point. Everything at the moment points toward a successful, close to full term birth! I have an apt at 34 weeks and he said at that point i will be free to come off most of my strict bedrest restrictions. He also said that he thinks we will most likely induce at 36-37 weeks due to my heart condition. We want to make sure everyone is very prepared for everything. One of the things that ive been the most scared of throughout this whole thing, is being caught off guard and going into labor very quickly. Hopefully that doesnt happen within the next couple weeks...i would love for it to be a bit more planned. Im getting very very nervous, can you tell? :) Another thing..my dr told me he was going on vacation and will be gone over the next 2 weeks. I dont wanna go into labor without him being here. Please baby evie..lets hold out until 36 weeks!!!
Overall, im feeling very uncomfortable and i have officially reached that point every pregnant women reaches. When i am in a public place everyone either whispers and stares at me, or asks me if im about to pop. I am pretty huge...and im feeling it! Its all worth it...and it amazes me what the female body can go through..its rough!
Feeling more and more excited every day! :)
Saturday, July 17, 2010
dr apt went as expected...same cervical measurement, holding steady at .9 cm. It seems really crazy to think about how my thought process has changed over the past 7 weeks. I mean wow .9 cm...my cervix is so freaking short, but it doesnt really worry me. Not like it did before anyway. I guess it helps to hear positive feedback from the dr and to know that im still holding steady week after week. Now dont get me wrong, just cuz im not as worried as before, does NOT mean that im ready to have her now. Everything in me wants to hold off at LEAST until 32 weeks..heck,i want to make it full term...and the thought of that not happening freaks me out a bit.
Ive been watching youtube videos of babies born at 30 weeks gestation. I then search for 31 weeks, 32 weeks and so on. It helps put it all in perspective a bit more and prepares me for what i might have to deal with if she were to be born early. What a difference a week makes! I know this is just gives me an idea of what to expect because it really depends on the baby's overall health, weight and size. My sweet baby seems to be bigger than alot of babies born at 30 weeks and i would hope the steroid shots would help her lungs. I keep picturing her with all those tubes running through her nose and mouth and its scary. Watching the videos made by parents who have been there really helps me. I watch how they talk to their babies, touch them and hold them..its beautiful and theres something about it thats so strong yet fragile at the same time.
I would encourage my friends and family members who are going to be visiting us after her delivery to look up these youtube videos too. Even though its sometimes hard to watch, i think it would help you as well. I think it will help Mike and I if you are a bit prepared to experience it with us. Yes, at this point if i delivered her, she would have a much better outcome..but there will still be obstacles to face.
We have no clue when she will arrive...we might even make it full term, but I just want my "strong heart" to be ready for a premie baby to love.
Ive been watching youtube videos of babies born at 30 weeks gestation. I then search for 31 weeks, 32 weeks and so on. It helps put it all in perspective a bit more and prepares me for what i might have to deal with if she were to be born early. What a difference a week makes! I know this is just gives me an idea of what to expect because it really depends on the baby's overall health, weight and size. My sweet baby seems to be bigger than alot of babies born at 30 weeks and i would hope the steroid shots would help her lungs. I keep picturing her with all those tubes running through her nose and mouth and its scary. Watching the videos made by parents who have been there really helps me. I watch how they talk to their babies, touch them and hold them..its beautiful and theres something about it thats so strong yet fragile at the same time.
I would encourage my friends and family members who are going to be visiting us after her delivery to look up these youtube videos too. Even though its sometimes hard to watch, i think it would help you as well. I think it will help Mike and I if you are a bit prepared to experience it with us. Yes, at this point if i delivered her, she would have a much better outcome..but there will still be obstacles to face.
We have no clue when she will arrive...we might even make it full term, but I just want my "strong heart" to be ready for a premie baby to love.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
theres something new in our neighborhood of irvington that i am so excited about!!!Its a company called homespun and they've opened up a storefront on washington st. The owners are irvington residents and are the ones behind the INDIEana handicraft exchange, which is a huge event downtown featuring the handicraft vendors as well as artists and musicians.(click on the link above and visit some of the vendor's web sites...so amazingly cool!)
The store here in irvington sells modern handmade goods from local vendors and artists.
The owner has told me they have some baby items for sale, like these awesome "smart aleck" burp cloths!!! i want them!!
just another reason why i love living in irvington!!!!
you should check out mikeys new band,rugged russian bear!! he just recorded a rough accoustic demo and there are some songs on their myspace.The overall sound is very different with the full band, but you can get an idea of mike's songwriting.
http://www.myspace.com/ruggedrussianbear
Im pretty proud of him and im glad he has this artistic outlet. I know its always been a big part of his life and it seems like everything is going really well. Its nice to be getting things off the ground. They have a few shows booked and theyre getting some positive feedback!!
pregnancy stuff has been pretty uneventful since my last post, which is good!
Our house is starting to fill up with baby stuff which is very exciting! Im officially in nesting mode which is awesome and annoying at the same time. I want to go do stuff in the nursery which is impossible because i cant climb the stairs. Im gonna have to put my faith in my husband to get all of that organized. A friend of ours gave us a ton of baby clothes (like 15 totes full) so that has been alot of fun to go through!
this is the bedding i picked out. The room is going to be a pretty green, not the lavendar color like in the picture, which ironically is what the room is currently.
I think its cute..i love the birdies and trees!
http://www.myspace.com/ruggedrussianbear
Im pretty proud of him and im glad he has this artistic outlet. I know its always been a big part of his life and it seems like everything is going really well. Its nice to be getting things off the ground. They have a few shows booked and theyre getting some positive feedback!!
pregnancy stuff has been pretty uneventful since my last post, which is good!
Our house is starting to fill up with baby stuff which is very exciting! Im officially in nesting mode which is awesome and annoying at the same time. I want to go do stuff in the nursery which is impossible because i cant climb the stairs. Im gonna have to put my faith in my husband to get all of that organized. A friend of ours gave us a ton of baby clothes (like 15 totes full) so that has been alot of fun to go through!
this is the bedding i picked out. The room is going to be a pretty green, not the lavendar color like in the picture, which ironically is what the room is currently.
I think its cute..i love the birdies and trees!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
siiiiiiiigh
im beyond frustrated right now. I have one tricky cervix. I went to another cervical check today and at the beginning of the ultrasound it was measuring at 3cm! The tech and i just couldnt beleive it and kept going on and on about how awesome it looked. Then within seconds it started to shorten and funnel all the way down to .7 cm! what.the.heck?!It is scary looking when it does that and i dont like it at all. It ended up lengthening again and went back up to 1.8cm while i was laying there.
I dont know if ive explained this before, but i have what they call a dynamic cervix which means that it can change at any point in time. Its hard to understand and very hard to watch when its right there in front of you on the screen. Some weeks when i go for a cervical check it wont change at all...other weeks it will.soooooo whoooo knows!
The dr came in and talked with me and at this point noone is suprised by this happening. When it happened at 23 weeks it was pretty critical that i be admitted into the hospital because we werent sure if i was having contractions and it was risky if she was born at that stage. Now at 29 weeks, its much less risky and im not having contractions.He said it was up to me but he thinks its still reasonable for me to be at home. He did say that i need to call them if i start to feel weird, have contractions or my water breaks. We both think that ill be fine for a few more weeks at least,....and i am coming up on the 32 week mark which is what we had talked about originally.
Im just getting frustrated and really over all of the measurements..all the ups and downs and worrying. I'm really trying to just focus on getting through week after week. I am still stable and there really isnt any cause for great concern at this point. Its just more waiting. The dr said i just need to try not to worry or think about it too much..and just rest. Which is what ive been doing.......
I think im pretty freaking good at resting by now.
im beyond frustrated right now. I have one tricky cervix. I went to another cervical check today and at the beginning of the ultrasound it was measuring at 3cm! The tech and i just couldnt beleive it and kept going on and on about how awesome it looked. Then within seconds it started to shorten and funnel all the way down to .7 cm! what.the.heck?!It is scary looking when it does that and i dont like it at all. It ended up lengthening again and went back up to 1.8cm while i was laying there.
I dont know if ive explained this before, but i have what they call a dynamic cervix which means that it can change at any point in time. Its hard to understand and very hard to watch when its right there in front of you on the screen. Some weeks when i go for a cervical check it wont change at all...other weeks it will.soooooo whoooo knows!
The dr came in and talked with me and at this point noone is suprised by this happening. When it happened at 23 weeks it was pretty critical that i be admitted into the hospital because we werent sure if i was having contractions and it was risky if she was born at that stage. Now at 29 weeks, its much less risky and im not having contractions.He said it was up to me but he thinks its still reasonable for me to be at home. He did say that i need to call them if i start to feel weird, have contractions or my water breaks. We both think that ill be fine for a few more weeks at least,....and i am coming up on the 32 week mark which is what we had talked about originally.
Im just getting frustrated and really over all of the measurements..all the ups and downs and worrying. I'm really trying to just focus on getting through week after week. I am still stable and there really isnt any cause for great concern at this point. Its just more waiting. The dr said i just need to try not to worry or think about it too much..and just rest. Which is what ive been doing.......
I think im pretty freaking good at resting by now.
Friday, July 2, 2010
baby evelyn at 28 weeks
this is baby evelyn at almost 28 weeks! she is so pretty and getting so big! The ultrasound was amazing today! She was in a good position this time so we were able to see her a bit more. We tried to get a 3d pic, but there was fluid and the cord in front of her face. (We are going to try that again next week!) Evie now weighs 2lbs 9ounces! The fluid level is back up to 14, which is huge compared to when it was in the dangerous range of 5 just 2 weeks ago! My cervix is still measuring at around 2cm, which is where it was last week! Dr s said we might even stop the cervical checks after next week, because at this gestational age, it isnt as important since the cervix will start to thin out normally anyway! WOW! I can hardly beleive weve made it to that point! This is such exciting news!
Honestly, it brings me to tears every time i think of the emotional rollercoaster we have been on these last couple months. At 20 weeks i was put on bedrest at home with a funneling,thinning cervix. At 24 weeks I was in danger of having her at any moment. I was rushed to icu, i had signed the consent forms for the c section and talked with all the drs on my team about delivering her that very night! Its a miracle that Ive made it to 28 weeks....and i didnt just barely make it...im stable, at home and looking at the possibilty of having her closer to term! Amazing.....amazing.....amazing!
Mike and I had a pretty intense emotional conversation last night before we went to sleep. I think the thought of actually having a baby in our lives is becoming more and more real every day. I love seeing mike so excited about it! We were just talking about our life together...when we first met 8 years ago,our wedding, little stories we remembered from dating ect..And now we are having a baby....wow!!!!!!
:)
Thursday, July 1, 2010
ive realized that being at home is much more uneventful than the hospital, so the blog might be lacking in excitement. I guess thats a good thing...id rather have a boring pregnancy.
One thing is for sure...i FEEL VERY PREGNANT now! Over the past 3 weeks ive been able to tell a huge difference in the way my body feels. Its as if the 3rd trimester snuck up on me and smacked me in the face. I have major mood swings again, im hot, uncomfortable,i have perfected the prego waddle and im hungry ALLL THE TIME!!!!!!! my apetite is on hyperdrive! I can tell shes growing and im trying to keep up :)!!
My next ultrasound is in the morning at 7:45! i think they are working me in before the clinic opens, which is a good thing because that means i wont have to wait in the waiting room. Hopefully it will be a quick in and out thing as long as my measurement is still looking good. My mom is coming to stay with me tonight and taking me my apt in the morning. Its nice that shes off work for the summer so she can come up and visit alot more.
well time for more food....ive been craving pb&j and chocolate milk!!!!
One thing is for sure...i FEEL VERY PREGNANT now! Over the past 3 weeks ive been able to tell a huge difference in the way my body feels. Its as if the 3rd trimester snuck up on me and smacked me in the face. I have major mood swings again, im hot, uncomfortable,i have perfected the prego waddle and im hungry ALLL THE TIME!!!!!!! my apetite is on hyperdrive! I can tell shes growing and im trying to keep up :)!!
My next ultrasound is in the morning at 7:45! i think they are working me in before the clinic opens, which is a good thing because that means i wont have to wait in the waiting room. Hopefully it will be a quick in and out thing as long as my measurement is still looking good. My mom is coming to stay with me tonight and taking me my apt in the morning. Its nice that shes off work for the summer so she can come up and visit alot more.
well time for more food....ive been craving pb&j and chocolate milk!!!!
Saturday, June 26, 2010
home!
Im home!!! I was actually allowed to leave the hospital thursday! Dr S came in that afternoon, sat in my room and talked with Mike and i for quite a while. He said he was perfectly comfortable with me being on bed rest at home. My cervix currently looks the best it ever has! As long as it stays this way, ill be allowed to be at home! He also said the further along i get the less likely he is to put me back in the hospital since it isnt as risky at 28 weeks on. Sooooo, all is good at the moment!
Dr S is so freaking cool. We could not have asked for a better fit and Mike and i have felt very lucky to have him follow us in this crazy adventure. When he came to talk to us yesterday we sat and talked about music,and he wanted to know about mikes band...Just makes us feel really comfortable.
Being at home is wonderful. I get to sleep in my tempurpedic bed, cuddle with my kitties and I dont have people waking me up at 5 am. There are however,a few things that Im going to have to adjust to once again. I need to continue to be very careful about not getting up and moving around too much. Its alot more tempting to be a bit more active when you are at home. I dont have people to wait on me hand and foot like i did at the hospital. Another thing is that poor mikey has to take care of me alot more once again. He has to do more grocery shopping, cook dinner and bring me glasses of water :) Not that he minds..i know he doesnt,...but i know it can probably get annoying for him. I was joking around with him last night asking him if he wanted to send his wife back to "the home" or "day care" so someone else could take care of me. haha We are adjusting well though, and falling back into the routine. Hes a good husband....couldnt ask for better!
Tomorrow we hit 27 weeks! So crazy to think that i will finally be on my way to week 28! I think next sunday (july4th) will mean so much to me! It represents the beginning of the 3rd trimester..which looking back, is something i didnt think i would get to see! it also represents a huge milestone for baby evie's developement!
this whole process is defintely becoming less scary..and more exciting every week!
Dr S is so freaking cool. We could not have asked for a better fit and Mike and i have felt very lucky to have him follow us in this crazy adventure. When he came to talk to us yesterday we sat and talked about music,and he wanted to know about mikes band...Just makes us feel really comfortable.
Being at home is wonderful. I get to sleep in my tempurpedic bed, cuddle with my kitties and I dont have people waking me up at 5 am. There are however,a few things that Im going to have to adjust to once again. I need to continue to be very careful about not getting up and moving around too much. Its alot more tempting to be a bit more active when you are at home. I dont have people to wait on me hand and foot like i did at the hospital. Another thing is that poor mikey has to take care of me alot more once again. He has to do more grocery shopping, cook dinner and bring me glasses of water :) Not that he minds..i know he doesnt,...but i know it can probably get annoying for him. I was joking around with him last night asking him if he wanted to send his wife back to "the home" or "day care" so someone else could take care of me. haha We are adjusting well though, and falling back into the routine. Hes a good husband....couldnt ask for better!
Tomorrow we hit 27 weeks! So crazy to think that i will finally be on my way to week 28! I think next sunday (july4th) will mean so much to me! It represents the beginning of the 3rd trimester..which looking back, is something i didnt think i would get to see! it also represents a huge milestone for baby evie's developement!
this whole process is defintely becoming less scary..and more exciting every week!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
I had another great ultrasound! I am still measuring 2-3cm and the fluid level was back up! The feeling of wanting to go home gets greater with every good report i get. Ive thought this through alot and it honestly makes alot of sense to me at this point. Ive had 3 stable ultrasounds,(my measurement is back to where it was before i was even put on bedrest at home) Im on no medication, everytime they monitor me everything is normal, no contractions, and her heart rate is awesome. I do totally think i need to be on bedrest, but I really dont think they are doing anything for me here that i cant do at home. I feel like sometmes im just taking up a room..even the nurses have asked when im going home or if the drs have offered it to me. When i first got here it totally made sense for me to be here. My cervix was shortening, and there was risk involved. It was easy to be here because i knew it was best for my baby. At this point, i just feel like it would be better for both of us to be at home. I could sleep in my tempurpedic bed, eat real/healthy food, and destress. Also, we only live 10 minutes away from the hospital...uuuuggggh i do really want to go home.
At the same time, i will honor my drs decision and do whatever he thinks is best. I talked with the group of docs this morning when they made the rounds. I explained my feelings and they were very open to it. Dr s said he hadnt had a chance to look over my ultrasound from yesterday, but he would do that and get back with me. Everyone seemed very positive about it and said it was a great possibilty. I have no idea when i will hear anything from him. It might not even be until the morning..not really getting my hopes up too high..but....
fingers crossed!!!!!
on a lighter note:
Baby evelyn has hiccups...all..the...time. Its hilarious because shes been pretty well known around here for being stubborn about being put on the heart monitor. She would either completely hide from it, or would just sit and kick and punch at it until it was over. Since she is bigger now its getting harder for her to hide and shes pretty much come to terms with it i think. Now her new trick? hiccups...which prevents the heart rate from showing on the strip. Not that she can really control this i suppose, but its just funny because she has the weirdest timing!Shes a little stinker!
At the same time, i will honor my drs decision and do whatever he thinks is best. I talked with the group of docs this morning when they made the rounds. I explained my feelings and they were very open to it. Dr s said he hadnt had a chance to look over my ultrasound from yesterday, but he would do that and get back with me. Everyone seemed very positive about it and said it was a great possibilty. I have no idea when i will hear anything from him. It might not even be until the morning..not really getting my hopes up too high..but....
fingers crossed!!!!!
on a lighter note:
Baby evelyn has hiccups...all..the...time. Its hilarious because shes been pretty well known around here for being stubborn about being put on the heart monitor. She would either completely hide from it, or would just sit and kick and punch at it until it was over. Since she is bigger now its getting harder for her to hide and shes pretty much come to terms with it i think. Now her new trick? hiccups...which prevents the heart rate from showing on the strip. Not that she can really control this i suppose, but its just funny because she has the weirdest timing!Shes a little stinker!
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Everytime I get out of bed and stand up i literally cringe. I feel much heavier and I fear the pelvic pain has returned. I know alot of this is probably because the baby is getting bigger, but it always makes me wonder if weird things are going on inside of me and that my sneaky little cervix isnt cooperating.
New favorite quote from my morning visit with the drs: "we'll see you in the morning..just keep gestating"
-lovely
I also love that every single morning, even though theyve said it over and over...they continue to ask me " is your cerivix staying put?" I was amazed when i was laying here half dazed at 5:30 am and this comeback came to my brain: "oh i dont know...you guys are the ones with the camera dildo" and no, i didnt let this come out of my mouth...but someday...just someday, i would love to say it just to see how they would react. ( but no worries...we all know i would never have the courage)
mom and daniel came to visit today. they brought me chipotle for lunch which was pretty exciting. Mike is up near chicago running the warrior dash today with some of our friends. if you havent heard of it, this web site will help give you an idea:.http://www.warriordash.com/..its hilarious and awesome. I totally wish i could have gone to watch. I guess they all get warrior helmets and beer and run through fire...sounds awesome..haha
thats all for now...
~i radio heaven
i get mixed signals
i move the antenna
i switch the channels
i lie in this bed
my satellite dish
is there room in the universe
for one last wish~
-over the rhine
New favorite quote from my morning visit with the drs: "we'll see you in the morning..just keep gestating"
-lovely
I also love that every single morning, even though theyve said it over and over...they continue to ask me " is your cerivix staying put?" I was amazed when i was laying here half dazed at 5:30 am and this comeback came to my brain: "oh i dont know...you guys are the ones with the camera dildo" and no, i didnt let this come out of my mouth...but someday...just someday, i would love to say it just to see how they would react. ( but no worries...we all know i would never have the courage)
mom and daniel came to visit today. they brought me chipotle for lunch which was pretty exciting. Mike is up near chicago running the warrior dash today with some of our friends. if you havent heard of it, this web site will help give you an idea:.http://www.warriordash.com/..its hilarious and awesome. I totally wish i could have gone to watch. I guess they all get warrior helmets and beer and run through fire...sounds awesome..haha
thats all for now...
~i radio heaven
i get mixed signals
i move the antenna
i switch the channels
i lie in this bed
my satellite dish
is there room in the universe
for one last wish~
-over the rhine
Thursday, June 17, 2010
my cervix is still stable. It was changing between 1.8 and 2.4 cm, but it was closed and looked much better than a couple weeks ago when i was admitted. The bad news is that my amniotic fluid surrounding the baby is getting pretty low. Dr said it was in the "low range of normal". The reason for this is that its one of the side effects of taking an nsaid like inducin. It slows her urine output which in turn creates less fluid. They checked her kidneys and there hasnt been any damage done, so if we stop the inducin the levels should go back up. That is the hope! We want the levels to go up cuz that helps her development and keeps her safe in the uterus.The downside of this is that we dont know how my cervix will handle it. Hopefully it will continue to stay stable on its own. GOOD GRIEF!! there is always SOMETHING now isnt there?! siiiiiiiiiigh
this is a pretty good example of the rainbow and tornado picture from last night....thats my life right now! :)
We're only a couple days away from the big 26 weeks!Ive almost made it to the 3rd trimester..how crazy is that?! I csn finally see 28 weeks in my sights...that is a big milestone that i pray to reach!
ONE.DAY.AT.A.TIME!
this is a pretty good example of the rainbow and tornado picture from last night....thats my life right now! :)
We're only a couple days away from the big 26 weeks!Ive almost made it to the 3rd trimester..how crazy is that?! I csn finally see 28 weeks in my sights...that is a big milestone that i pray to reach!
ONE.DAY.AT.A.TIME!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
ive been in the hospital for 2 weeks! Ive spent 2 freaking weeks in a hospital bed! This just doesnt seem natural!
Yes, i try my hardest to be strong and postive but lets face it, this sucks and i have total moments of weakness on a pretty consistent basis.I also feel like a complete moron and i really should stop talking about it because yes, i know all of the right things to think. Yes, i know that every day im here is safer for her and i want to do everything i possibly can to keep her inside of me. Yes, i also know that this "will all be worth it in the end". But i hate that awful part of me, the hormonal, overly emotional basket case part who wants to scream and cry and sign the a.m.a papers to discharge myself out of here. Thats the part of me that creeps up at random times.
A friend of mine sent me flowers a few days ago. Attached to the vase was a note that said " It takes both rain and sunshine to make a rainbow". Maybe i just need to face it..there will be a few rainy days here and there...heck, there might even be days where i feel like a tornado has torn through my world. Its natural and normal to feel emotions...whether they be good or bad. I am a strong woman and i know there will be sunny days too.....Ill just have to get better about waiting out the rain.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
since we made it to 25 weeks after the scary week i had, my friends made us some brilliant cards to celebrate . These will be so awesome to show baby evie when she gets older.
I must say that these have been a HUGE hit with the drs and nurses. All 5 of my drs came in this morning at 5 am and just went on and on about them. Im kinda gaining a reputation around here for having a pretty awesome group of family and friends. :)
Tuesday! The day the massage therapist visits the unit! This is a lovely "perk" for sure! The massage was awesome and made me feel like i have a new torso. It was cut short today by the nurse from prenatal diagnosis coming to get me for my ultrasound. Yeah,..seriously, what great timing...i lay here all day every day with nothing to do and the one time i am enjoying myself it gets taken from me..(okay im being a bit overdramatic) But thats definitely something im going to look forward to!
I went for the fetal echo this morning and met another sweet dr from riley. She told me she works with Dr c, who i have been going to since i was age 10. He has been following my pregnancy which is convienient since he can keep an eye on my heart AND evie's! Its so cool to have a network of physicians who have all worked closely with me over the years work closely with my little unborn baby. It makes me see even more how God has placed the right people in my life.
Evies heart is still perfect so that means i can keep taking the inducin to help my cervix.
good day!!
I went for the fetal echo this morning and met another sweet dr from riley. She told me she works with Dr c, who i have been going to since i was age 10. He has been following my pregnancy which is convienient since he can keep an eye on my heart AND evie's! Its so cool to have a network of physicians who have all worked closely with me over the years work closely with my little unborn baby. It makes me see even more how God has placed the right people in my life.
Evies heart is still perfect so that means i can keep taking the inducin to help my cervix.
good day!!
Sunday, June 13, 2010
What a beautiful sunday! We have made it 25 weeks and im amazed at how much has changed in a week! I honestly wake up every morning and the first thing I do is thank God for another day in the hospital. If im still in the hospital it means Im still pregnant...and thats something i really want right now.
I find myself calling on God alot...At night before i fall asleep I usually put on some music for evie to hear and just start to cry...not really crying for bad reasons. I just seem to get caught up in the moment. I just realize that i have no control and that i have to allow time to play out...and I ask God to take control. There is something very moving about surrendering yourself like that. My views of God have changed over the years and even though i dont hold many of the traditional christian beliefs that i once did, Its hard to ignore the peace and power of prayer.
They moved me back over to 2 south yesterday evening. Even though the room is smaller, i like it over here much better. I did have some wonderful nurses in icu that im very thankful for. Its weird...the people here become such a huge part of your life for a while...theyre like your family.When my drs came in this morning to ask how i was doing i made it a point to let them know how much i appreciate this place...and since it IS me, i kinda went on and on..haha.
Mike thinks Im starting to lose it a little more every day. He says I keep telling him the same things over and over, and im pretty sure hese right. Not that much excitement happens in my day so when something little happens, i cling to it..and i tend to talk about it alot. haha...oh sigh.
I did get approval for wheelchair rides yesterday!!! Mikey wheeled me downstairs to this pretty little cafe area with lots of plants and we ate ice cream....fantastic!!! We tried to sit outside but it was soooo hot!
well my breakfast should be here soon so im gonna try to find something on tv to watch and zone out for a bit...I think some friends are coming over tonight to help us celebrate 25 weeks...think we might make this a regular sunday event! :)
I find myself calling on God alot...At night before i fall asleep I usually put on some music for evie to hear and just start to cry...not really crying for bad reasons. I just seem to get caught up in the moment. I just realize that i have no control and that i have to allow time to play out...and I ask God to take control. There is something very moving about surrendering yourself like that. My views of God have changed over the years and even though i dont hold many of the traditional christian beliefs that i once did, Its hard to ignore the peace and power of prayer.
They moved me back over to 2 south yesterday evening. Even though the room is smaller, i like it over here much better. I did have some wonderful nurses in icu that im very thankful for. Its weird...the people here become such a huge part of your life for a while...theyre like your family.When my drs came in this morning to ask how i was doing i made it a point to let them know how much i appreciate this place...and since it IS me, i kinda went on and on..haha.
Mike thinks Im starting to lose it a little more every day. He says I keep telling him the same things over and over, and im pretty sure hese right. Not that much excitement happens in my day so when something little happens, i cling to it..and i tend to talk about it alot. haha...oh sigh.
I did get approval for wheelchair rides yesterday!!! Mikey wheeled me downstairs to this pretty little cafe area with lots of plants and we ate ice cream....fantastic!!! We tried to sit outside but it was soooo hot!
well my breakfast should be here soon so im gonna try to find something on tv to watch and zone out for a bit...I think some friends are coming over tonight to help us celebrate 25 weeks...think we might make this a regular sunday event! :)
Thursday, June 10, 2010
the good news
good news!!! finally...some good news!!! ultrasound showed my cervix measuring back up at 2 cm today! that is such a HUGE improvement since my cervix was basically nonexistent on monday! There is no bulging bag and her cord is no longer in the way!!!! the meds seem to be working !!
I cant even explain the joy and relief i experienced at that very moment when he told me the measurement. I just kept saying " wait...are you serious? seriously?" over and over....I know there will be so many ups and downs while we are here at the hospital, but i am thriving on the good news for today! I do have a dynamic cervix so it will change from time to time, but if we can get through it week by week this all might work out better than i thought it would on monday. On monday i was looked at as a critical case, a woman who could potentially go into labor at any moment..they even put me in a room right next to the operating room and dr station..so crazy!!!!
ill admit that i was almost at my lowest point this morning. When I woke up and realized that i would be going in for the ultrasound i just couldnt imagine getting more bad news. I felt like i was at a breaking point...my chest hurt, i just wanted to cry.. I felt totally helpless and the thought of coming back to this room with the same feelings terrified me!
This made me realize even more that i have no control! Im just going to continue to take it a day at a time and cling to any good news i get!
Yay baby evelyn....i am trying as hard as i can baby girl....just know that your daddy and i love you soo much already!
I cant even explain the joy and relief i experienced at that very moment when he told me the measurement. I just kept saying " wait...are you serious? seriously?" over and over....I know there will be so many ups and downs while we are here at the hospital, but i am thriving on the good news for today! I do have a dynamic cervix so it will change from time to time, but if we can get through it week by week this all might work out better than i thought it would on monday. On monday i was looked at as a critical case, a woman who could potentially go into labor at any moment..they even put me in a room right next to the operating room and dr station..so crazy!!!!
ill admit that i was almost at my lowest point this morning. When I woke up and realized that i would be going in for the ultrasound i just couldnt imagine getting more bad news. I felt like i was at a breaking point...my chest hurt, i just wanted to cry.. I felt totally helpless and the thought of coming back to this room with the same feelings terrified me!
This made me realize even more that i have no control! Im just going to continue to take it a day at a time and cling to any good news i get!
Yay baby evelyn....i am trying as hard as i can baby girl....just know that your daddy and i love you soo much already!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
its all in the attitude
its really amazing how the attitude of the drs can make things seem so much better or worse! I always wake up at 5:30 am every morning surrounded by 5 drs in my room. They wake me up and say something lame like " are you behaving..?"...or "is that cervix staying put?"( i read about this lovely wake up procedure on a friend's blog and i totally relate now). I just kinda look at them and try to keep my mouth shut, not wanting to gripe them out and tell them to get to the point. I really miss seeing dr s every morning since he really does give off positive and caring vibes. On this unit, they send around all the resident drs on call at that time.
This morning I had a pretty good experience. It wasnt that anyone said anything different really, it was just that their attitudes seemed to be a bit more positive since ive been stable for a couple days. They said they hope and think the meds im taking are working and asked me if i have felt less pressure. I HAVE! When i get up to use the bathroom i do not feel as heavy in my lower half. They said one of my medicines is supposed to lower the level of amniotic fluid to relieve pressure on my cervix. My cervix is not dialted, just very thin. They were anxious to see the results of the ultrasound and said i could possibly move back over to 2 south if everything looks stable. We shall see and i highly doubt it. At this point, all the ups and downs are draining to me...but i will take as much positive feedback as i can get!
Today was a very long day! I tried to go back to sleep after the drs left but that usually doesnt happen. I tried to start a new book but i just cant keep my mind focused. I found a marathon of top chef on bravo and escaped into that for a while. Mikey will be here soon! He only has to work tommorow then he has 2 weeks of vacation! Im pretty excited to have him here with me so much, even though i know it sucks that we cant do anything fun on vacation. He was sweet and asked me if i wanted to have a "date night" on friday night :) It might just be ice cream and a movie in a hospital room, but it will be special anyway. These are moments in our marriage that we will never forget!
This morning I had a pretty good experience. It wasnt that anyone said anything different really, it was just that their attitudes seemed to be a bit more positive since ive been stable for a couple days. They said they hope and think the meds im taking are working and asked me if i have felt less pressure. I HAVE! When i get up to use the bathroom i do not feel as heavy in my lower half. They said one of my medicines is supposed to lower the level of amniotic fluid to relieve pressure on my cervix. My cervix is not dialted, just very thin. They were anxious to see the results of the ultrasound and said i could possibly move back over to 2 south if everything looks stable. We shall see and i highly doubt it. At this point, all the ups and downs are draining to me...but i will take as much positive feedback as i can get!
Today was a very long day! I tried to go back to sleep after the drs left but that usually doesnt happen. I tried to start a new book but i just cant keep my mind focused. I found a marathon of top chef on bravo and escaped into that for a while. Mikey will be here soon! He only has to work tommorow then he has 2 weeks of vacation! Im pretty excited to have him here with me so much, even though i know it sucks that we cant do anything fun on vacation. He was sweet and asked me if i wanted to have a "date night" on friday night :) It might just be ice cream and a movie in a hospital room, but it will be special anyway. These are moments in our marriage that we will never forget!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
staying positive through the bad news
Monday we went for my ultrasound and it wasnt good news. My cervix is almost nonexistent at this point. Its paper thin and my bag of waters is bulging. The chord was in the way also, which meant if my water did break soon, it was going to be a huge emergency.I was moved to a room in the icu unit of labor and delivery to be monitored more closely. At this point i think the scariest thing is not knowing whats going on but also that the drs cant tell me what to expect. Theyve just told me to let them know if feel like my water has broken. That is frightening for me....Im not ready for labor....im sooo not ready!! An anesthesiologist came to talk with me about a c section since it will most likely be more of an emergent situation and due to my heart condition, it is best!!!
This is for sure the scariest thing ive ever been through in my life. I feel so helpless. I AM helpless. People keep trying to encourage me, telling me that she is a good size and weight for 24 weeks. They say that she has a good chance of surviving at this point....honestly i totally beleive this, but i dont want there to be a 50% chance. I want to get to 28 weeks where the chances go up to 80-90%. Im trying to be positive...i really am. I have days where i just know everything will be fine. Then there are days where you keep getting bad news and its just so hard to keep it together. I always get the feeling that the staff of drs and nurses are trying to be supportive but the looks on their faces show me that they have no clue. Dr S said hes seen this happen to women and they go into labor very fast, some make it a few more weeks and so on...we just have to wait. I feel like if i can make it to 25 weeks, just til sunday, i will feel so much better! My short term goal since i was put on bedrest at 21 weeks was to make it to 26 weeks. This would be huge!! I have to think about how far ive already come...time has gone by pretty fast!
Mike has been wonderful. I know he feels so helpless too but hes so strong. I love him so much!!
I just have to hope and pray that baby evie will be strong. If she is born early i hope mike and i are strong enough to deal with all the ups and downs of having a baby in the nicu for so long. I think that im that type of person. I feel like i need to think about all the possibitilies so i will be prepared. At the same time, i feel like i need to only focus on her and the positives of having a strong baby. There have been so many success stories!!!! I know she will be one too!!!
i kinda miss my little room over in 2 south where i was seen as "stable". i loved the nurses and i loved the less chaotic vibe. The nurses are great over here too, but this unit is stressfull and scary. There are alot of awful noises which i try to block out with my music and by shutting the door. Trying to stay in my own situation while i know there are people going through hell all around me. There are also people im trying not be envious of..people with pretty healthy, close to full term babies.
Im trying so hard to be social and feel normal. Im so tempted to just lay here alone every single day. Its hard to be happy and talk about stuff over and over...i know my friends care and i feel like i will have days where i want company and things to make time go by fast. i have a great support group which helps so much!!!!!
I just took a shower and im getting ready to eat some lovely hospital food for dinner. Even showering is scary...especially after one of the nurses told me to make sure i let her know if i feel the chord fall out of me....ugh. sigh, ive almost made it through another day!!! positive....positive....positive.............
Tommorow marks 24 weeks, 3 days!
This is for sure the scariest thing ive ever been through in my life. I feel so helpless. I AM helpless. People keep trying to encourage me, telling me that she is a good size and weight for 24 weeks. They say that she has a good chance of surviving at this point....honestly i totally beleive this, but i dont want there to be a 50% chance. I want to get to 28 weeks where the chances go up to 80-90%. Im trying to be positive...i really am. I have days where i just know everything will be fine. Then there are days where you keep getting bad news and its just so hard to keep it together. I always get the feeling that the staff of drs and nurses are trying to be supportive but the looks on their faces show me that they have no clue. Dr S said hes seen this happen to women and they go into labor very fast, some make it a few more weeks and so on...we just have to wait. I feel like if i can make it to 25 weeks, just til sunday, i will feel so much better! My short term goal since i was put on bedrest at 21 weeks was to make it to 26 weeks. This would be huge!! I have to think about how far ive already come...time has gone by pretty fast!
Mike has been wonderful. I know he feels so helpless too but hes so strong. I love him so much!!
I just have to hope and pray that baby evie will be strong. If she is born early i hope mike and i are strong enough to deal with all the ups and downs of having a baby in the nicu for so long. I think that im that type of person. I feel like i need to think about all the possibitilies so i will be prepared. At the same time, i feel like i need to only focus on her and the positives of having a strong baby. There have been so many success stories!!!! I know she will be one too!!!
i kinda miss my little room over in 2 south where i was seen as "stable". i loved the nurses and i loved the less chaotic vibe. The nurses are great over here too, but this unit is stressfull and scary. There are alot of awful noises which i try to block out with my music and by shutting the door. Trying to stay in my own situation while i know there are people going through hell all around me. There are also people im trying not be envious of..people with pretty healthy, close to full term babies.
Im trying so hard to be social and feel normal. Im so tempted to just lay here alone every single day. Its hard to be happy and talk about stuff over and over...i know my friends care and i feel like i will have days where i want company and things to make time go by fast. i have a great support group which helps so much!!!!!
I just took a shower and im getting ready to eat some lovely hospital food for dinner. Even showering is scary...especially after one of the nurses told me to make sure i let her know if i feel the chord fall out of me....ugh. sigh, ive almost made it through another day!!! positive....positive....positive.............
Tommorow marks 24 weeks, 3 days!
Sunday, June 6, 2010
time
Pregnancy is something I never thought i would experience. When I was younger and diagnosed with marfan syndrome I was told that it might not be a possibilty. The drs had warned me that my heart might not be strong enough to take it. Mike and I were even considering not having kids. We thought about adopting, thought about living a life with just the two of us. After 5 years of marriage, genetic/high risk counseling and some decision making, Mike and i decided it was safe to go for it. My drs had given me the go ahead and all was great.
Little did i know that i would go from someone who might have chosen to never experience pregnancy to doing everything i possibly can to stay pregnant for the baby growing inside of me. My heart is still strong, but my cervix is not. I have a shortening cervix at 24 weeks and was admitted into the hospital thursday. Ive been on bedrest at home for 3 weeks and my cervix was staying stable at 2.4 cm. This week it measured anywhere from 1.9 cm to .8cm!!!Yeah seriously.8cm..ugh?I have another ultrasound tommorow and hopefully my measurement will be much better. Its the drs decision whethere or not i will have to stay in the hospital or go home on strict bedrest.
Ive always been such a believer in the perfect timing of everything in my life. I have to think that there is a reason for this timing and time is so important in this situation. There is a risk of perterm labor with a cervix this short and baby evie needs more time to grow. I never thought i would count the days and weeks so closely as i do now. Every single day she stays inside of me gives her more strength for life on the outside. Im trying to cherrish the time i have with her in my belly and think about how this is a very special time in my life and not just something to get through. I think this will be much easier when i know she is at a point of growth that is safe. If she was born now, she would have a pretty good chance of survival but obviously its better for her to stay longer.
The bedrest experience so far has been okay. The hospital makes me feel safe and gives me hope. Being at home is wonderful but im afraid of something bad happening and not knowing about it until its too late. At least here I am monitored and I know if something goes wrong, it will be taken care of quickly. Mike doesnt worry about me as much when im here. Ive had ALOT of visitors. The nurses joke that im pretty popular on this floor cuz i always have people here to see me. I have a huge support system which i am so thankful for! I hope they all know how much it means to me!
Mikey just got here so we're going to eat dinner. Hoping all goes well in the morning!! :)
Little did i know that i would go from someone who might have chosen to never experience pregnancy to doing everything i possibly can to stay pregnant for the baby growing inside of me. My heart is still strong, but my cervix is not. I have a shortening cervix at 24 weeks and was admitted into the hospital thursday. Ive been on bedrest at home for 3 weeks and my cervix was staying stable at 2.4 cm. This week it measured anywhere from 1.9 cm to .8cm!!!Yeah seriously.8cm..ugh?I have another ultrasound tommorow and hopefully my measurement will be much better. Its the drs decision whethere or not i will have to stay in the hospital or go home on strict bedrest.
Ive always been such a believer in the perfect timing of everything in my life. I have to think that there is a reason for this timing and time is so important in this situation. There is a risk of perterm labor with a cervix this short and baby evie needs more time to grow. I never thought i would count the days and weeks so closely as i do now. Every single day she stays inside of me gives her more strength for life on the outside. Im trying to cherrish the time i have with her in my belly and think about how this is a very special time in my life and not just something to get through. I think this will be much easier when i know she is at a point of growth that is safe. If she was born now, she would have a pretty good chance of survival but obviously its better for her to stay longer.
The bedrest experience so far has been okay. The hospital makes me feel safe and gives me hope. Being at home is wonderful but im afraid of something bad happening and not knowing about it until its too late. At least here I am monitored and I know if something goes wrong, it will be taken care of quickly. Mike doesnt worry about me as much when im here. Ive had ALOT of visitors. The nurses joke that im pretty popular on this floor cuz i always have people here to see me. I have a huge support system which i am so thankful for! I hope they all know how much it means to me!
Mikey just got here so we're going to eat dinner. Hoping all goes well in the morning!! :)
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